Salutations all around, folks! Forgive my very delayed review of the Paganfest America Tour. I’ve been quite busy at work this week, and will probably be so next week as well. I decided to take a quick break and write this stuff up from my very hazy memory. Enjoy!
-Caution- Lots of booze humor, slander, and curse words. So, you know, hide the wee ones.
Saturday! Paganfest! Ho. Ly. Shit. Words really cannot describe how much fun I had at that show. Mainly because I was far too blitzed to remember most things, but really, that show had so much metal energy (metergy, dibs!) that the feeling is simply too amazing to describe for a non-metalhead. Take my word for it: the show stomped so much ass they had to import donkeys to meet the demand. Easily the best show I’ve ever been to. Not dissing Rammstein, Rob Zombie, or Turisas, but the mix of crowd size, booze, and energy really brought the whole thing together. It was so damn good my neck didn’t stop throbbing until this Wednesday. The tour is still going on; buy your tickets, damn you.
After a morning spent mini-golfing with an old school chum of mine, I hightailed it to the venue to meet my fellow concert-going compadres. Since I don’t like using folks’ real names on here (unless it’s already posted somewhere else), let’s call them Dolan and Not Jew. Dolan is my co-worker. Not Jew is my former high school classmate.

No, not this Dolan.
We met up for drinks right across the street from the venue. Mind you, Lent officially ended from a Catholic perspective as soon as the evening appeared. So my inaugural drink, after 40 days of pure sobriety, was about to unleash the floodgates of repressed Drunk Bruno. And why this bar in particular?
Because they serve mead!
That’s right. My last drink before Lent and my first drink afterward was mead. After toasting to our health and the concert, we started the mayhem. I recall having four glasses of mead at this bar, and a small salad to keep the belly happy. We shared our table with a group of guys from Nebraska; they were part of a bachelor party and were awaiting the doomed man to make an appearance before they could saunter off. Dolan invited them to sit with us; best decision of the night.
Holy hell, say what you will about Nebraska, but those corn-bred guys are friggin’ hilarious. One of them was in a wheelchair (metal!), and I swear, that guy could rapid fire off-color jokes faster than me. And that’s saying something. Yes, we were that table full of loud, drunk men telling dead baby jokes. Tis nothing sacred? After drinking with these guys for about an hour or so, we bid our farewells, wished them luck on their Denver pub crawl, and made for the concert.
Since we boozed through most of the opening act, there was no line to deal with. We simply walked right in to the packed house. Immediately the euphoria of a live metal show was upon me. I really don’t know how to describe it; sort of an orgasmic bloodrage. Yeah. Orgasmic bloodrage.

We all knew the 40k reference was coming…
Not Jew and I immediately lost Dolan in the crowd. He simply buggered off. No matter, for we went to the nearby kiosk to score some gear. I always buy an article of clothing when I go to a concert. Helps keep the memory fresh, and gives me something to wear to the next show! We both purchased official Paganfest America tour shirts, threw them on, then decided to find Dolan. It was loud. It was dim. And it was simply amazing.
We found him at the bar, sitting towards the back. He reminded us he’s pushing 30 and wouldn’t join the mosh pit (boo!) nor leave the bar. Kudos to him for showing up and supporting the music regardless! So Not Jew and I got a brew ($6 for PBR. Fuck, that’s highway robbery!) and wandered into the dense crowd of moshers and folk metal enthusiasts. I’m glad Dolan stayed put; even Drunk Bruno remembered where he was when he inevitably needed assistance. Drunk Bruno is kind of an idiot sometimes.
The bands rotated pretty swiftly, playing for about an hour then clearing the set for the next in line. I was losing track of time due to all the booze and metergy. Seriously, if you’ve never been to a metal concert, you’re missing out. You get so pumped by all the noise and people that you feel no other choice but to join the swirling melee of the mosh pit. Berzerkergang at its finest. And I am quite pleased to report that I finally earned a blood wound: I caught an elbow to the face and started bleeding from the lip. I ran back to Dolan, shrieking with joy, and informed him of the good news. I think someone bought me a drink for it. Regardless, shedding blood in the pit was an honor that I would love to repeat.
Not Jew and I rotated from the mosh pit, to the bar, to the patio, and all over again. In between sets we went outside the venue to catch some fresh air, kill the lungs, and talk to all the hot chicky babes.

Yes, I mean her.
Drunk Bruno sheds his laconic persona and just engages everyone in conversation. I must’ve met several dozen people that night simply by asking about their shirt, the band they came to see, or their warpaint. Here’s a rundown of the folks I distinctly remember:
- Bosnia - Don’t recall his name, but he was from Bosnia, so that’ll do. He remarked about my Swiss cross beanie and asked if I spoke German. My German gets really good when drinking so I made a new best lingual friend. Apparently he had liquor in his car and gave me some shots. On top of the mead. Beer. Booze. Sheesh. He was a hoot.
- Kyle – Dolan befriended him at the bar so we befriended him too. He was there to see Ensiferum, and like Dolan, was no longer a spring chicken. I recall sieg heiling him and asking if he’d seen Kyle. He’s about yay high? Good guy, tolerated my shenanigans, and enjoyed the show.
- The Couple – These two were wearing some fuckin’ awesome Tyr shirts and Not Jew remarked upon them. Turns out they did photography in the area, loved folk metal, and were just all around great people to hang out with. I got a business card from them. Somehow.
- Poster Babe – Say what you will about Viking maidens covered in faux blood and licking guitars, but I was smitten. So smitten that apparently I let her smack the shit out of my new tattoo because no one else had yet. That’s love right there folks. Love.
- Sabaton – Don’t remember his real name, but he had on the latest Sabaton t-shirt with the Carolus Rex album artwork so of course I chatted him up. He said they put on a hell of a show. He was towards the end of the night where everything started to fall apart memory wise but I distinctly remember him being a nice, average joe-looking kind of guy.
I met all sorts of people. You’d be surprised how many “normal” folks enjoy a good metal show. And Paganfest America was a fuckin’ great metal show.
If you’re into metal, or if you’re just trying to figure out what music you like, check out your local venues for the next show. Paganfest is still going on. I highly recommend you go catch it and experience the lineup. Folk metal at its finest.
Trollfest, Heidevolk, Tyr, Helsott, and especially Ensiferum, thanks for putting on one hell of a folk metal show. See you next year!
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