My Cousin is Flying Around the World (Today!)

Hi Folks! I’m quite sorry about the lack of updates, but, fortune of fortunes, work has slowed down considerably and I’ve a working draft for a legitimate post here in a few days or so. Bear with me here and I’ll badger you with absurd physical claims and dietary customs in a bit.

In other news, you folks remember my cousin? The guy with balls of brass from this post? This one:

Yes, ladies, he's a pilot.

Yes, ladies, he’s a pilot.

Well, turns out that he starts his voyage around the world today! That’s right, my 20-year-old cousin is embarking on a quest to circumnavigate the globe in an attempt to become the youngest aviator to do so. You can follow his travel blog here: Jack’s Travel Blog. It’ll start getting regular updates as he makes progress.

I’m quite proud of my young cousin for taking on such an endeavor, and after many months of waiting, he’s finally starting his trip! Jack, you’re the man! May your trip put you in the record books! Check him out, folks, because he’s going to make history.

Check out his official website here: SOLO 2013

Follow him on Facebook - Follow him on Twitter - Follow him on Instagram

 

 

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British People Crack Me Up

Giant fireball in the street?  Meh. No emotion here, folks. I’m too busy being British for such trivialities.

Pavement Explosions in London courtesy of the BBC

Seems like London has suffered a few of these blasts recently, and one woman managed to get one on tape. Notice the distinct lack of emotion or worry as a plume of fire erupts into the sky. “Oh my gods,” she states as traffic continues and the guy nearest the blast simply turns around. It’s as if the Blitz ruined any chance of Londoners being afraid of fiery explosions willy nilly.

And now, back to work. I friggin’ love the BBC. And for you folks that can’t detect sarcasm, well, here’s some Manowar.

 

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Viele Arbeit

I swear, work is trying to kill me. I’m still around, dearest reader(s), still Warrior Dieting, exercising, and rocking out. Do forgive the lack of real, meaty updates. Work is really taking charge right now. They are doing their damndest to kill me afore I turn 25. Enjoy the tunes posted below whilst I get back to it.

Ensiferum – Pohjola
Symphonic folk metal that uses lots of varied sounds and booming choral vocals to create a very bombastic approach to music. I much enjoy the clashing cymbals and the female choral myself. Great tune.

Eluveitie – Thousandfold
I love the way this song opens. The flute is so flippin’ amazing. And the hurdy gurdy? I swear, they are simply brilliant for incorporating such things. And the subject matter of the song is great too! Roman conquest and all.

That’s all I’ve for now. Enjoy the tunes and may your day be a good one!

 

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Warrior Diet, Dating, Swordsmanship, and Other Things

Howdy howdy folks. Do forgive the lack of updates this past week; I’ve been neck-high in work and will remain so for at least another week. I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but it has a bad habit of piling up without warning. I suppose that’s part of the package when you’re the tech writer responsible for a myriad of things that aren’t necessarily scheduled activities. I’m lookin’ at you, RFPs.

Anyway, enough about that. You didn’t come here to read about tech writing, and if you did, well, you’re about as droll as I am. Onward then, to a week recap!

*Edit* – This song. Aaaaah. I love it. I love Anna’s voice which kicks in at the 1:50 mark. I recommend listening to this song of Swiss pride and heritage whilst reading.

On the Warrior Diet

moar kale

moar kale

Though I’ve been working late most nights this past week, I’ve done my best to stick to the Warrior Diet. However, due to these late nights and mental fatigue I’m pushing myself through, I’ve noticed I’ve been eating more throughout the day and drinking more coffee. Seems I’m not eating enough at night to get my energy for the next day so I’ve (unwillingly) resorted to heavier snacks and caffeine to compensate. This doesn’t break the WD, mind you, but it’s a step in the wrong direction. Slight relapse to be sure, but something I’m confident is just happening due to work circumstances. Seems I’ll have to devour more at night than usual to kick this transgression. And, after this week is concluded (3 major projects this week alone), it should, God willing, return to normal levels of work stress. Something I can manage much easier. Here’s hoping I don’t go off the deep end and break the WD completely.

On Dating
Per one of my New Year’s resolutions, I’ve decided to attempt my hand at that thing I’m entirely uncomfortable with and have absolutely no idea how to manage: dating. If you’re one of my lucky female friends, you know all about my thoughts and lack of knowledge on the subject. I possess no tact and don’t sugar coat things in polite conversation. I’m also an awful liar. For instance, if you were to ask me about how you look in those pants, and I were to think that you looked fat, you will probably swear a vendetta against me. And, for reasons I cannot comprehend, women do not like it when you’re completely honest. Can’t be completely honest or else feelings get hurt (what the hell are feelings anyway…?) but can’t tell white lies either because then you’re dishonest. I swear, I can’t win this game.

Anyway, I brought this point up because I’ve been twice cancelled on this week. Both seemingly sweet girls that seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me better over a cup of coffee, yet disappeared from the face of the earth prior to the engagement. I haven’t quite figured out why this happened, nor will they shed some light on it for me, but it’s a little disheartening. Sure, I’m a content, grumpy bachelor with absolutely no interest in romance, but what’s wrong with a friendly chat over a mutually enjoyable beverage? I’m not taking you out for a drink to bed you; I simply want to get to know you better. Women, I swear, even without one by my side, they drive me mad. The least you could do is accept my hospitality and generosity before buggering off into oblivion. Who says “no” to free drinks? Bah.

drink_christmas

Regardless, I’m the eternal optimist even if my clothing (black goes with everything!), music (metal speaks to me!), and sense of humor (come on, dead baby jokes are slightly humorous!) indicate otherwise. As such, I haven’t lost all hope in finding a female companion that shares many interests of my own. Until then I shall keep wandering through museums, bookstores, coffee shops, and concerts looking for her.

On New Ulster Steel Fighting
Perhaps my only real escape from the drudgery of my apartment/home office/trollmate, this has become my shining beacon. If you’re new here, just do a quick search on ze blog for NUSF and you’ll see what I’m on about. Yesterday (20 April) marked my third adventure to Waco to participate in the program, and as I expected, was a hoot and a half!

As expected, it was another wonderful experience working with the NUSF fellows. What’s not to enjoy about swords, martial arts, and some exercise to boot? However, it seems like I need to focus more on my left hand than anything else; right-hand dominant, mind you. My left-handed parry is a little weak. Speaking of parries, I’ve decided to start a folk metal band, Blood Eagle, and have a song titled Metallic Grind from that sweet sound a parried blade makes. Seriously, that sound is sexy.

I’ve incorporated what I’ve learned into my routine workouts to create muscle memory, exercise those specific muscle groups, and keep the training fresh in-between training sessions. I feel somewhat silly swinging a stick around in my room in front of the mirror but it certainly has paid off. Without tooting my own horn, I’ve been told I’m excelling at a rapid pace. For a guy like me, that’s a friggin’ compliment if I’ve ever heard one. -bashful face-

I’m still no expert on the subject, but I’m really taking to it. It’s quite a far cry from my youth when we used to fight one another with sticks. So far I’ve learned the basic blocking maneuvers, as well as the basic strikes, with a one-handed sword. I’ve dabbled a little bit with two-handed techniques as well. It’ll be a while before I actually get to spar with someone, but I’ve been told I’m advancing at a rapid enough pace that it could happen sooner than we think. Who knows? As of now, I really enjoy the training and look forward to this coming Saturday. Haven’t decided yet as to where my future lies or what my plans are for next month before Switzerland, but I sure would like to keep training as I’m able.

On Other Things
Let’s see what else is going on in the world of Bruno:

  • Finally broke down and purchased a legitimate hair brush. It’s unruly. It’s weird. What the hell is wrong with me? So much hair…
  • I’ve been officially out of the Army National Guard for a year. Woo hoo! Since I was no longer forced to workout, this was a catalyst to my becoming quite more health conscious and discipline minded.
  • I turn 25 in a week. Eh. Birthing days. I will still get carded for absolutely everything.
  • Scoped out a few joints in Waco for future living quarters. Quite spacious for a bachelor and his pooch.
This pooch

This pooch

  • Swissland in a month! Quite excited. Haven’t seen that side of the family since Summer 2006. Sure to be a romping good time.

And that’s it! That’s pretty much the sum of my past week. Quite ordinary, quite humdrum, but, eh, that’s my life. Thanks for reading the 40-Day Fyrd. You folks have a good one.

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Let’s Re-Examine the Resolutions, Eh?

So what if it’s April? The purpose of a New Year’s resolution is to see it through during the year. And you know what? I’m kicking some ass if I don’t mind sayin’. Read on to see what’s the what on New Year’s Resolutions.

  • Write more often: Yup, kicking some ass here. I try and populate the blog every few days. And if I were to count work as ‘write more often,’ well I’m totally kicking ass. I’ve added a few new pages to the blog since I had written this (Reading Material and Warrior Diet) and I even have a few handwritten things too. In short, I am keeping pace with this resolution.
  • Commit to working out: New weight set, jump rope, resistance bands, dumbbells, and resources. The Warrior Diet helps too. And it seems like I’m going to get a workout from NUSF too. I’ve come a long way in a few months, and I like what I see.
  • Attempt to learn tact and kindness: Fuck this.switzerland
  • Save money: I bought a plane ticket to Switzerland to visit my mountain kin. I’m spending a lot of money, yes, but it’s on things I need/have to do. Once this trip is concluded, it’s back to being a penny pincher. So far, I consider this one in the green, but still needs work. Too many things changing right now to focus on saving. Too many expenses…blah.
  • Death to Facebook: This dragon is slain. Next!
  • Focus on discipline: Could use some work, but with all the things I’m doing nowadays, I’d consider my discipline has improved. Yes, I’m the office smartass, but I’m also reliable, punctual, and regimented. My schedule is tough to follow everyday to be sure, but I keep at it. Mental discipline is a go. Physical discipline is getting there. But I consider this in the green.
  • Participate in the New Ulster Steel Fighting program: I’ve attended two trainings and am slated for two more before Swissland. Bam.
  • Try my hand at dating: Fuck. This. I had arranged a date with this girl who later bailed on me. After speaking with her about it, she said that I, “sounded too smart,” for her. Really? Fucking really? My bad for using words with three syllables and not saying like as a space filler. Ladies, please, don’t do that to me. I’m trying to have faith here but shit like that drives me mad.
  • Rasputin (song)Go to more concerts: Turisas and Firewind, 28 February. Check. Paganfest America, 30 March. Check. Mayhem Fest Albuquerque, Planned. So far I’m keeping this one in line. Plenty of time left this year to go see more bands. And I’m quite excited. \m/

And there you have it. It’s April and I’m doing exactly what I promised New Year’s Bruno would be doing. Bam. Enjoy the evening. I’m off to go purchase leafy things.

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Now What?

As my lease agreement swiftly moves closer to the date of non-renewal, I’ve been thinking an awful lot of my future lodgings and whereabouts. I have been blessed with a job that allows me to travel often, and, provided I’ve an Internet connection, work from my home. In a few months, I won’t be in my quaint apartment anymore, no longer working from my small room with a lovely view of the parking lot. In a few months, well, now what?

Now what indeed. Though I don’t mind the DFW region so much, I shan’t be caught here again. After a 5-year stretch here the first time with school and the former fiance, I was a bit daft to try my hand at it again for another year with a troll for a roommate.

Using this image never gets old.

Using this image never gets old.

In all reality, I don’t mind Texas. I mind Texans. You know the sort, the walking stereotypes, the ones that believe that, yes, everything is bigger in Texas and Walker: Texas Ranger is actually Jesus. Nothing against you, Texan reader(s), but you know exactly of whom I speak when I say I cannot stand the overly-proud Texan. And yet, after I’m finished with DFW and back from the Old Country, I’ve been seriously considering Texas as my home for at least another year. Why?

New Ulster Steel Fighting of course!

Yesterday (13 April) I officially signed on as the newest member of the Waco-based program. Unfortunately, I only get to enjoy that status for about two more weeks. Maybe three, maybe four. All depends on the moving situation back here in the Fort of Worth. I’ve resolved to attend trainings throughout the rest of April for a few reasons:

  • I paid for a month of training, so I damn well better justify my expenses. No sleeping in on Saturdays!
  • It gets me out of the house, doing something I enjoy, and being physically active.
  • I absolutely love it and every other reason pales in comparison to my love for this program. Seriously, holy crap, I have always wanted to do this throughout my life. And now that I’m finally doing it, loving every waking moment, I’m moving in a few weeks.

English: I took photo with Canon camera in Wac...

As such, I’m considering moving to Waco once the family returns from Switzerland. Yes, it’s deep in the heart of Texas and has a rather odd history with crazy religions, but it is very similar to home in many respects. I do believe I could make it my new home. The guys at NUSF have already made me feel most welcome at trainings; were I to move down there, I’m almost certain I could get them to hang out with me elsewhere. Even if Waco served as my residence for only a year, that’s a year’s worth of trainings! Who knows what I’d be able to accomplish in that time? Waco is definitely on the table for a future move.

Failing a potential move to Waco, I would like to consider Denver for the option as future homestead. I’m quite attracted to the scenery; I’m a sucker for mountains. The people are mostly tolerable though a little too liberal for my liking. I can swallow that poison easily enough and just enjoy my stay there. I’ve plenty of friends in the area too, and that’s always a boon. Work is also located in downtown Denver; I could work in the office! On the downside, I don’t really know the area, nor the cost of living, nor am I fan of bums. It’s further from home in New Mexico and I couldn’t do NUSF either. Still, a viable option.

At this point, I haven’t quite decided where to go next. Nor do I really understand why I’m bothering you with this. Frankly, you came here to read about the Warrior Diet, heavy metal, and exercise, right? Bear with me here. In a few weeks, I will officially end my lease here in DFW. Then I’m to spend a few weeks overseas with my family visiting relations on the other side of the pond. And then? Well, hell, could be anywhere. Denver. Waco. New Mexico. I don’t know.

Thanks for reading this deviating post; I promise to return to my standard fare with the next post. Just had to write it down for myself and get it off my chest. Enjoy your Sunday, and I’ll catch you later.

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The Warband Grows

11-Apr-13 10-40-10Bam

Thanks folks. Meant to do this when I hit 50-even, but one of you snuck in afore I had a chance. Thanks for following my rather absurd blog. Gets me all warm and fuzzy it does.

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I’m Married to Work

Just a fair warning for all two of you dedicated readers: won’t have anymore posts until…ooh…probably never. An avalanche of work collided with a hurricane of duties and formed a super-storm of Arbeittrabajowork. Consider this my final farewell before I drown in PDFs, Word Docs, and HTML coding. Nice knowin’ y’all.

This is exactly what I deserve for going to Paganfest Easter weekend. Shame shame…

In the meantime, you can read my newest page: The Warrior Diet Basically gives you all you need to know about my crazy diet. Enjoy!

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“You’re Going to Have an Excellent Parry.”

Salutations, folks. How’s your side of things, eh?

As we know, last Saturday (6 April) was my initial training with the New Ulster Steel Fighting Program. Last Saturday was also the day I decided to move to Waco so I could train every week. Yeah, it was that incredible.

I didn’t sleep a wink Friday night. I was far too excited about actually making the trip down there that sleep was entirely impossible. By the time my alarm started blaring at 5:40, I had already been awake for quite some time. I showered up, got into my uniform, then proceeded to make the trip to Waco in very good time. I had a lead foot that wasn’t slowed by anything. Nope, not even Texas-style road construction.

I pulled up to the place, and after a little confirmation about the address, made my way to the yard. I was very warmly greeted by Br. Jeff, the very same, in the flesh! What a treat to finally meet the guy in person! He was extremely polite and did everything he could to make me feel welcome at NUSF. He introduced me to the other members of the group, told me what to expect, and then led the group in prayer. Prayer is a great thing to have when you’re about to swing blades at one another. So far, I was completely captivated by the experience.

As the older members began sparring, Br. Jeff gave me a tour of the armament. Plenty of swords, shields, pole axes, and armor. Since it was my first day, and safety being the main concern for every training, Br. Jeff taught me the basics of blocking with a sword first. He wasn’t going to let a new guy jump into the fray without learning some things about defense! He lent me a sword and together we practiced various blocking moves. Ambidextrously. Yup, I had to block with my left hand. Time to pump more iron with my left side to match my right-side predominance.

And that’s where the title of this post comes from. We were going over parries, and how best to twist and position the blade to thwart an opponent’s thrust, when Br. Jeff remarked upon my “natural ability.” I felt like I was glowing, I did! I’ve always been fascinated by medieval warfare, and here I am, being complimented by an expert on my form and strength! Felt like a school boy, just beaming with pride. I really cannot wait to hone my skills at this place. At my first day, I really did feel like I could take on the world, even though I knew next to nothing about swordplay.

Whilst Br. Jeff was teaching me how to properly hold my arms and position the blade, I tried to watch the other guys sparring. They kept circling one another, and then, quite suddenly, one would make a move only to be countered immediately by the other. It was an intense game of attack and counter-attack, each move being met with equal force. Man oh man, I can’t wait to be a part of that. Watching them was intense; being a participant must be more so. Pretty much the song going through me head throughout the whole thing:


After about an hour or so, Br. Jeff had to leave to watch his boy’s baseball game. Before parting, he gave me a copy of his book, thanked me for making the drive, and wished me all the best. He left me in the capable hands of his assistant instructors. We spent the rest of the morning discussing the program, the finer points of combat, and what I could expect from the program. I was already sold, but now even more so. I really cannot wait for this coming Saturday to get back to Waco and participate again. And to become an official member, of course!

We closed in prayer. I helped the guys pack up, making small talk and doing my best to not sound like an annoying fanboy whilst doing so. After final farewells, I found myself headed back to Fort Worth, wishing I lived in Waco years ago. And after thinking about it, I realized that I could totally move to Waco with my current job. Since I’m purely online, as long as I have a connection, I can work. And now I am seriously considering making Waco my new home once I return from Switzerland. All remains to be seen, but I would love to rise through the ranks in this program and learn all I can.

I’ll leave it here folks. The training was great and the guys were greater. I learned much for my first outing, and really, I can’t wait to go back and train some more. I’m planning on officially joining this Saturday. Paying a membership fee, signing some papers, and taking on the status as a dedicated recruit. Really, I cannot wait!

Thanks for reading the Fyrd, and if you’re in the Waco area, you should look up the NUSF program. You may find their website here for more information: Steel Fighting

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Work Hard, Rock Harder (Part 2)

Salutations all around, folks! Forgive my very delayed review of the Paganfest America Tour. I’ve been quite busy at work this week, and will probably be so next week as well. I decided to take a quick break and write this stuff up from my very hazy memory. Enjoy!

-Caution- Lots of booze humor, slander, and curse words. So, you know, hide the wee ones.

Saturday! Paganfest! Ho. Ly. Shit. Words really cannot describe how much fun I had at that show. Mainly because I was far too blitzed to remember most things, but really, that show had so much metal energy (metergy, dibs!) that the feeling is simply too amazing to describe for a non-metalhead. Take my word for it: the show stomped so much ass they had to import donkeys to meet the demand. Easily the best show I’ve ever been to. Not dissing Rammstein, Rob Zombie, or Turisas, but the mix of crowd size, booze, and energy really brought the whole thing together. It was so damn good my neck didn’t stop throbbing until this Wednesday. The tour is still going on; buy your tickets, damn you.

After a morning spent mini-golfing with an old school chum of mine, I hightailed it to the venue to meet my fellow concert-going compadres. Since I don’t like using folks’ real names on here (unless it’s already posted somewhere else), let’s call them Dolan and Not Jew. Dolan is my co-worker. Not Jew is my former high school classmate.

No, not this Dolan.

No, not this Dolan.

We met up for drinks right across the street from the venue. Mind you, Lent officially ended from a Catholic perspective as soon as the evening appeared. So my inaugural drink, after 40 days of pure sobriety, was about to unleash the floodgates of repressed Drunk Bruno. And why this bar in particular?

Because they serve mead!

That’s right. My last drink before Lent and my first drink afterward was mead. After toasting to our health and the concert, we started the mayhem. I recall having four glasses of mead at this bar, and a small salad to keep the belly happy. We shared our table with a group of guys from Nebraska; they were part of a bachelor party and were awaiting the doomed man to make an appearance before they could saunter off. Dolan invited them to sit with us; best decision of the night.

Holy hell, say what you will about Nebraska, but those corn-bred guys are friggin’ hilarious. One of them was in a wheelchair (metal!), and I swear, that guy could rapid fire off-color jokes faster than me. And that’s saying something. Yes, we were that table full of loud, drunk men telling dead baby jokes. Tis nothing sacred? After drinking with these guys for about an hour or so, we bid our farewells, wished them luck on their Denver pub crawl, and made for the concert.

Since we boozed through most of the opening act, there was no line to deal with. We simply walked right in to the packed house. Immediately the euphoria of a live metal show was upon me. I really don’t know how to describe it; sort of an orgasmic bloodrage. Yeah. Orgasmic bloodrage.

We all knew the 40k reference was coming...

We all knew the 40k reference was coming…

Not Jew and I immediately lost Dolan in the crowd. He simply buggered off. No matter, for we went to the nearby kiosk to score some gear. I always buy an article of clothing when I go to a concert. Helps keep the memory fresh, and gives me something to wear to the next show! We both purchased official Paganfest America tour shirts, threw them on, then decided to find Dolan. It was loud. It was dim. And it was simply amazing.

We found him at the bar, sitting towards the back. He reminded us he’s pushing 30 and wouldn’t join the mosh pit (boo!) nor leave the bar. Kudos to him for showing up and supporting the music regardless! So Not Jew and I got a brew ($6 for PBR. Fuck, that’s highway robbery!) and wandered into the dense crowd of moshers and folk metal enthusiasts. I’m glad Dolan stayed put; even Drunk Bruno remembered where he was when he inevitably needed assistance. Drunk Bruno is kind of an idiot sometimes.

The bands rotated pretty swiftly, playing for about an hour then clearing the set for the next in line. I was losing track of time due to all the booze and metergy. Seriously, if you’ve never been to a metal concert, you’re missing out. You get so pumped by all the noise and people that you feel no other choice but to join the swirling melee of the mosh pit. Berzerkergang at its finest. And I am quite pleased to report that I finally earned a blood wound: I caught an elbow to the face and started bleeding from the lip. I ran back to Dolan, shrieking with joy, and informed him of the good news. I think someone bought me a drink for it. Regardless, shedding blood in the pit was an honor that I would love to repeat.

Not Jew and I rotated from the mosh pit, to the bar, to the patio, and all over again. In between sets we went outside the venue to catch some fresh air, kill the lungs, and talk to all the hot chicky babes.

Yes, I mean her.

Yes, I mean her.

Drunk Bruno sheds his laconic persona and just engages everyone in conversation. I must’ve met several dozen people that night simply by asking about their shirt, the band they came to see, or their warpaint. Here’s a rundown of the folks I distinctly remember:

  • Bosnia - Don’t recall his name, but he was from Bosnia, so that’ll do. He remarked about my Swiss cross beanie and asked if I spoke German. My German gets really good when drinking so I made a new best lingual friend. Apparently he had liquor in his car and gave me some shots. On top of the mead. Beer. Booze. Sheesh. He was a hoot.
  • Kyle – Dolan befriended him at the bar so we befriended him too. He was there to see Ensiferum, and like Dolan, was no longer a spring chicken. I recall sieg heiling him and asking if he’d seen Kyle. He’s about yay high? Good guy, tolerated my shenanigans, and enjoyed the show.
  • The Couple – These two were wearing some fuckin’ awesome Tyr shirts and Not Jew remarked upon them. Turns out they did photography in the area, loved folk metal, and were just all around great people to hang out with. I got a business card from them. Somehow.
  • Poster Babe – Say what you will about Viking maidens covered in faux blood and licking guitars, but I was smitten. So smitten that apparently I let her smack the shit out of my new tattoo because no one else had yet. That’s love right there folks. Love.
  • Sabaton – Don’t remember his real name, but he had on the latest Sabaton t-shirt with the Carolus Rex album artwork so of course I chatted him up. He said they put on a hell of a show. He was towards the end of the night where everything started to fall apart memory wise but I distinctly remember him being a nice, average joe-looking kind of guy.

I met all sorts of people. You’d be surprised how many “normal” folks enjoy a good metal show. And Paganfest America was a fuckin’ great metal show.

If you’re into metal, or if you’re just trying to figure out what music you like, check out your local venues for the next show. Paganfest is still going on. I highly recommend you go catch it and experience the lineup. Folk metal at its finest.

Trollfest, Heidevolk, Tyr, Helsott, and especially Ensiferum, thanks for putting on one hell of a folk metal show. See you next year!

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