Howdy howdy. My name is Bruno, and I started this themed blog for a few reasons. I need to get myself back into shape, but at the same time have fun with it. No one likes working out at the ass crack of dawn, but if you pretend you’re a Viking on your way to rape and pillage, or a Frankish knight running down hapless peasants, it’s a little more enjoyable. So, here I am, blog in tow to act as my scribe so my saga can be told throughout the Interwebs. Yes, I’m probably a tad unhinged, but that’s half the appeal methinks.
A little bit about me:
I am well-read. I am socially inept, but I can adapt to situations as they progress. I think Warhammer is the best tabletop game ever. I am the runt of my family. I speak Swiss German and English. I once had a short story published. I dislike this new age of technology and begrudgingly use things only when I need to. My sense of humor has been described as “dryer than a Brit’s,” “sardonic, caustic, and altogether awful,” and “mostly harmless.” I prefer brains over beauty. I have an on again, off again relationship with tobacco. I have no filter when speaking in public. I judge people based on the books they read and the television they watch. I prefer cloudy days. New Mexico is the best state in these United States. I want to travel the route of the First Crusade. I debate people over frivolous things just because. I will be single forever. I’m Catholic. Heavy metal and classical are my favorite genres of music. I love me.
If I had to choose several reasons (and provide neat bullet points of explanation) as to why I’m doing this, I’d wager it’s because I’m all about the exercise, history, metal, and writing.
- Exercise: I’ve reached that point in my life where I am unhappy with the physical shape I find myself in. Don’t get me wrong. I love me. I’m the most lovable guy you could ever love. Problem is I don’t like how I can’t fit into my finest suits of chainmail anymore. That’s my fault, and I’m here to rectify this by punishing my fatbody into submission via an exercise routine, a healthier lifestyle, and more mead-induced pillaging. As of February 2013, I’ve thrown my lot in with the Warrior Diet.
- History: I love history. Holy hell, do I have a hard on for history. As you’ve no doubt witnessed, I’m a bit of a medieval nutter, and one of my goals with this writing project is to educate the masses about that glorious era of knightly chivalry and clashing steel. Many posts will be influenced by a particular historical event, or a workout will be regaled in a historical context. Essentially, I want to bring to light all the little bits of history your classes skimmed over, but making it fun and enjoyable. Like wrestling a 100 kittens. Or a koala bear.
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The author with Kelly Sundown Carpenter.
Metal: There’s plenty of good music out there, don’t get me wrong, but if you aren’t listening to metal, well, you make Thor and Odin weep. And no one makes the gods weep on my watch. When I’m not rocking your face with humorous anecdotes about running around pretending to be a Gaul or lambasting you with tales of epic conquest, I’ll be sure and share my opinions about music and the like. Truth be told, I don’t think I could work out without metal. Having some German fellow screaming in your ear about all the violent sex he has is actually a really good motivator to knock out a few more push-ups. I’ll try and include a rundown of my favorite metal playlists, or at least make mention of the song currently stuck in my head. And don’t worry, I don’t listen strictly to metal. Anything is open. Except rap. Rap sucks.
- Writing: Well, you read this far, so you’ve already witnessed how verbose I can be. I spend all day in front of a computer as a technical writer, so this is my outlet of creative expression. I can’t use big words at work, so you, fair citizen of the Internet, shall be my creative outlet. Obviously I’m really into histories, novels, and satires. I think that should go without saying. Alas, I just said (typed?) it. I love to write, and I hope you enjoy reading all of this as much as I loved writing it.
Exercise. History. Metal. Writing.
There you have it. Now then, let’s crack some skulls.
